I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
