he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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