My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
