i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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