haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
