opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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