Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
last night I used snow as a chaser
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