I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
