Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i think i have two assholes
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
