it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
