i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
