He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize