So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
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