I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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