I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just cut my nipple shaving
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
