Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Operation Purity has been aborted
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
