You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
