last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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