There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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