Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Houston, we have a squirter
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
