I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
