I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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