i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize