Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
