i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
