she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
