Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
