Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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