based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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