why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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