He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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