The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
