wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
