Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you didnt know i had herpes?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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