I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Randomize
