i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
