Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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