I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
