Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
