We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
