You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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