all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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