I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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