I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
