I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
