It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
