three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
