If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize