she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We need to get me chipped asap
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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