This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
