Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
