But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize