But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize