There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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