I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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