Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize