You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
