Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
