I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
