I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
