Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
