You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
they call him Oral-B. enough said
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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