There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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