Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
