we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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