This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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