When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
