real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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