I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize