I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
