whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
