how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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