with your own penis?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
